Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everclear isn't food dammit
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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