dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
