did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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