Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
