a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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