ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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