There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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