ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
