It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
