oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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