I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
