2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize