break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
