I accidentally burped into my bong.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
