My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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