I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
