OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
