I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
