can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
