Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
