they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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