I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
