ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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