evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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