my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
