Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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