It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
