If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
