I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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