i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
