Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize