Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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