Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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