Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My penis needs a shock collar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
