Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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