Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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