Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
