If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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