a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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