I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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