1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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