3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
