Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
