Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
where am i from again
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
