I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
