i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
