i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
