We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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