Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
then he tried to convert me to islam
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize