I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
