She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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