The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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