i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
