I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
