that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
