There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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