My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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