it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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