Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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