You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
