i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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