i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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