are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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