I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
