OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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