I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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