This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
