You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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