Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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