everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize