i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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