shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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