oh fat girl friday strikes again...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
