Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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