It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
