My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
