I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
