I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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