A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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