Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
