Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize