oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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