Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We are two peas in an std pod
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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