I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
