How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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