And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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