Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
