I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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