So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
