oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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