I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
