the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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