Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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