you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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