Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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