my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
this hospital has no fireball
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
