11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
