maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
