ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
