remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
