How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize