You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
