$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize