Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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